Monday, January 7, 2019

A Renewed Sense Of Purpose

Sometimes things get in the way of our lives and we must stop, pause and regroup.

I started my blog back in July 2018 as an accountability partner, and then feel off the face of the earth. Stopping all work on self-discovery journey to answer the question “Who am I” and then journal my personal development on this blog. 

Not because I was up to old ways of procrastinating and self-sabotaging. But because we had to have our beloved dog Heidi put down.

Heidi was 14 years old and had a good life. She was my brother's dog and I got to spend a lot of time with her the last year of her life. She would sit at the top of my steps, waiting for me to go downstairs. 

Turns out the last months of her life we were all giving her extra treats of human food. She will be greatly missed.

After Heidi's passing, my sister-in-law got Snoopy (named that because he is white with black spots). He could never replace Heidi but he has found a place in all our hearts.

And This Also Happened

During all this time, I kept having dizzy spells that would come and go. But last week the spells suddenly got worse. It was a constant feeling of swimming in my own body.

I went to the new doctor (because my doctor was all booked up that day), who said I had low blood pressure with a high heart rate. She was very concerned and kinda scared me. I've been feeling a little better five days later, with no dizzy spells in two days but I went and saw my regular doctor today.

He believes that it's my Wolff-Parkinson-White (WPW) syndrome. Tomorrow I have to pick up an event monitor to wear for 28 days. When I'm feeling bad, I hit a button to record my heart. I also have to see a heart doctor and get more tests.

So now, here I sit with a new determination to get my writing down. I have spent years procrastinating and making excuses. Now I feel it's now or never. 

My brother Ronnie told me the other day I have no faith in myself. He's right. I'm scared of being laughed at for my ideas so I hideaway. Always planning how to do things better.

Screw that! I'm doing it. I'm going to write who I am in this blog. Maybe people will be interested, maybe not. But when the end comes I'll know I did it.

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